Unless you live under a rock you know about the tapes that have been leaked from 2005 where Donald Trump discusses sexually assaulting women. He says he kisses them whenever he wants, he grabs their p*~say whenever he wants. He can do it because he is a celebrity and can get away with it. He also tried to have sex with a married woman, but she didn't allow it to happen. Keep in mind he was 59 at the time, not some teenager or 20something. I would expect to hear this kind of stuff coming from Justin Beiber, and it would be just as awful from him. Keep in mind Trump was now married to Melania who was pregnant at the time.
But listening to him talk about how he could get away with this triggered an event in my life I prefer to forget even happened.
I am from Indiana, but moved to California when I was 25 to do an internship at "The Young and the Restless". From that internship I got a job at Witt-Thomas productions. From there I went to Universal Studios. It was there that I met A. We had been working together for well over a year. We went on three dates. On the second date he tried going further then I was prepared to go. I was a 28 year old virgin who didn't intend to have sex unless I was in love with the man. I didn't know how I felt about A. I mean it was only a second date and I didn't have that "feeling" about him. I'm not saying it might not have come in time, but at that point I wasn't there yet. He backed off right away, it made me feel good about him. Third date we decided to stay in and watch movies, I made margaritas. I made them, so I know they weren't that strong.
I was on my second margarita and I really don't remember anything after that. I woke up the next morning with him in my bed. I also knew physically that I was no longer a virgin. I blamed myself. Figured I made the margarita stronger then I had thought. Though I had agreed to sleep with him. Just couldn't see it all happening any other way. He left, and that was the last time I went out with him. I just didn't feel comfortable with the thought of dating him anymore.
A few months later another guy who also worked at Universal, but in a different area, asked me out. We had been on multiple dates when A cornered me in the office and asked me if I had met little David, or had he broken me. That was my first anxiety attack. I was shaking so hard and could barely breath. I ended up going to the nurse. I told her what had happened and she said I should enjoy a guy fighting over me while I was young. That made the anxiety attack even worse!
I ended up talking to a different nurse who was far more compassionate. She had me fill out a report for workplace sexual harassment. That was the last day I worked there. Every time I got near it I would have an anxiety attack. Even then I couldn't admit that A had raped me. I continued to blame myself. To say if I hadn't dated him, or had the margaritas. That it was all my fault.
David was so understanding about it all. He wanted to beat A up, but I told him that wouldn't help me. He was so wonderful about it all. I had known on our first date he was the one. I had fallen in love. He just made me feel loved and wanted and appreciated. He took it very slow, went at my pace. He is the only man I have ever made love with. It wasn't until after his death, when I was doing my grief counseling that it all came out. I guess I was wounded enough to finally talk about it, this was the first time I had ever talked to anyone about that night, not even David knew the true details. How do you tell your husband that? He knew he wasn't my first, but he didn't know how it had happened.
After talking it all out, every painful details. It's fairly obvious that A slipped something into my drink. Even when I have had a lot more then two margaritas I have never blacked out like that. So A decided he was going to have sex with me whether I wanted to or not. What happened that night was not my fault, I did nothing to make or allow that to happen. I was raped plain and simple.
Certain smells are still triggers, like the stuff he put in his hair. If I smell that I start to shake. Listening to Trump talk about woman the way he did is an absolute trigger. He, much like A, thinks he is Gods gift to women. And that he should be able to have whoever he wants when he wants it.
#notokay
