I wish I had something biblical to say about all of this. I wish I had it in me. But tonight, like so many other nights, I just don't. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. When I am in a deep sleep I don't know I am in pain. I don't know that my joints hurt, or my head, or my neck, o r my back, or my throat, or my ears,o r my knee. I don't know they hurt. I don't know how empty and alone I feel. I don't know how much I miss my husband. I rarely if ever dream about him. Which is both a blessing and a curse. The few times I have dreamed about him I wake up in so much emotional pain it isn't worth it. But not dreaming about him hurts too. I don't know how to explain it.
The whole God doesn't make any junk? I'm sure that's true. But how do we know what the devil creates? I don't know, not even sure what I am trying to say here. Just "talking" out loud I guess you could say. Just tired of struggling. Tired of the pain and agony of daily life. Just tired.
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