The holidays

The most wonderful time of the year. Unless you happen to be a childless widow. I love my mother, I truly do, but she isn't enough. Plus I have to deal with the daily knowledge that any day could be her last one. Then what do I do? People who know my family would say well you have two sisters and all of those nieces and nephews and great nieces and great nephews. And I'm not saying they don't love me, but they really aren't here for me. I have gotten more comfort and support from people I barely know. Ask me how many times my sisters have called me to check on me since my husband died. That would be zero times in the past seven years. Same goes for my nieces and nephews. Now one nephews wife did call me on my first birthday after David died, and that meant a lot to me. But unless they need me for something I don't exist in their lives. On two separate occasions I have had a niece say she just wants to spend time with her family. Guess I'm not family. I thought I was. I was always there for them when they were growing up. Good enough to buy whatever fund raiser stuff they were selling. Good enough to show up and support them at all of their sporting events. But other then that I'm not really family to them. People will tell me I shouldn't let it bother me. That I have friends who more then make up for the family I don't seem to have. But it does bother me. These people are my blood. We are supposed to be there for each other. That's what I was raised to believe. You know the tv show Star Trek the Next Generation? I wish I was like Data, I wish I had no feelings, no emotions. I wish I could just turn it off and not care what others think of me. I wish I could just ignore how I feel, and not let it eat at me. I wish I didn't want to die, right now at this very minute. I wish my family felt like I was worth having around even when they don't need me. I wish they understood I would do anything for them. I wish I wasn't sitting here feeling so damned sorry for myself. I wish my husband was here so he could tell me he at least loves me. But guess what, he's dead and he is in Heaven where he no longer has to worry about such things. But I'm still stuck here on Earth. I'm stuck here without him. The one and only man who ever wanted to be with me just because he wanted to. I'm tired of being alone. It might not be so bad if I hadn't ever been with David. But I was with him and now I know what it feels like to be loved. So it makes being alone even harder. And never being able to have children with David makes it all even that much harder. I'm old, I'm sick all the time, and I really just want to go to sleep and wake up in David's arms. I just don't know how much fight I have left in me. I just don't think I can keep doing this much longer. And I don't understand why I should have to.

Politics should be a 4 letter word!

when I was growing up I remember being taught in history class that the Civil War sometimes pitted brother against brother. Nothing much has changed in America to be honest. Only its Democrats against Republicans. We all feel so strongly about our side. Why we vote the way we do. And as a democrat I have to say I am shocked and appalled that Donald Trump was elected president. I get that others didn't like Hillary Clinton, I understand it. She wasn't my first choice, she wasn't even my second. But I understand working with what you have. She just makes so much more sense to me then he does.

Trump made fun of a disabled man, at one of his events, on camera. He couldn't deny it happened, he did it on purpose! That right there made me never want to vote for him ever, for anything. But it kept getting worse. He talked about being able to sexually harass women, because he can, because he is a celebrity. He offended Hispanics, black people, Muslims, pretty much everyone you could think of except white men. And yet somehow he wins the election? The people he wants to work in his administration, well some of them are very scary to me and millions of Americans. They seem to want an all white America. Not the melting pot we have now. What does this mean for those who are African Americans, Jewish, Muslim, Hispanic, Asian, and so on?

He has won the electoral college while Clinton is currently 2 million votes ahead of him in the popular vote. There is much talk about getting rid of the electoral college and going just with the popular vote. People argue that would give some states more voting power then others. For example California because it goes blue would be able to tip the vote. But if you look at how people vote it isn't all blue votes, there are a lot of red votes in that state as well. What about me living here in Indiana? My blue vote means absolutely nothing if we continue to use the electoral college. Since I was able to vote at the age of 18 my state has only gone blue once and that was 2008 for Pres. Barack Obama, and I'm proud that my vote actually counted for that election!

Here is just a sample of what America's votes would look like if we went just popular vote.

You see very blue areas and very red areas. But look at all of the shades of purple, where the blues and the Reds overlap. Because that is what America is, we are various shades of purple. We are blues and reds that work together, live together, shop together, go to movies together, dine together.... We are a melting pot and if that map doesn't prove it I don't know what does. We need to get rid of the electoral college, it is outdated and no longer represents America! A few swing states currently decides who wins the election. The rest of us do not count in the lead when it comes to who our president is. Don't you want your vote to count?

Regardless though I beg of you. Respect your fellow man. Treat them with the same respect you want to be treated with. And remember why this country was founded the way it was. Freedom of Religion, of meaning all typ s of religion, not just Christians. It was a country where people came for freedoms, and because it was such a great place to come. Where you could make something of yourself. Yes do it legally, but it should not matter what country they come from and what religion you do or don't follow.