Day 19. "Even the wind and the waves obey him!" - Mark 4:41

this is just one of the many miracles Jesus performed. The boat was rocking and the disciples were scared, yet Jesus was sleeping. He wasn't worried. He knew nothing would happen to them. Just like he knows that if we believe in him nothing bad will happen to us. Now when I say that I am not talking about the bad things that happen daily here on earth. I am talking about the fact that we are promised an eternal life in heaven. Carrie Underwood has a song called "Temporary Home", she is talking about how earth is just our temporary home. Heaven is the real home we are all waiting for. It is where everything will be wonderful and complete.

I struggle with my emotions, with this life I am leading. I miss my husband, I am so sad that I will never have children. Everything about my life right now is so not what I thought it would be. I am not saying it is the worst life possible, I know there are people who are worse off then me. I know most of my problems are due to my depression with the other stuff thrown in. What really annoys me is people who moan and groan about life, but do nothing about it. I have this co-worker, I call her Debbie Downer! She is so pessimistic and always complaining about her life. Yet she refuses to get the help out there that is available. She is one of those woah is me types, nothing ever goes right. She had the nerve to tell me she has nothing to live for. She has a husband, a daughter and son-in-law, as well as three grandchildren. Yet she has nothing to live for? I am a widow who was never able to have children. I have multiple chronic illness', so what I should just give into that evil voice in my head that says to end it all? Compared to her I truly have nothing to live for. Yet I struggle against that thought. I am doing what I need to do to fight those voices. I take an anti-depressant, I do counseling with my pastor when I feel out of control. I am doing what I hope God wants me to do. She goes to church (catholic), is very active in it. Yet she just never sees that positive in anything.

Not sure where I was going with all of that, just needed to get it off my chest I guess. Except, people who can get help and don't. It just really annoys me. Especially considering everything I have gone through in my life.