There are so many thing I love about Jesus' baptism. For one thing John the Baptist is the one who baptized him. Many had thought John was actually the new come savior, but he wasn't. He was Jesus' cousin and he really helped lead the way for all the work Jesus had to do. Another reason I love it is because the moment it happens Jesus is allowed to again see into Heaven. To see everything he left behind and know he is right where he needs to be. I also love that Jesus didn't care if you were Jewish or Gentile, as long as you were a child of God, that was all that mattered.
So one of my "issues" is not feeling good enough, not for anyone and that includes God. I can tell you everything I have been taught and I can believe it to be true. But can't accept it to be true for myself. When I see someone struggling my first instinct is to pray for them. To ask God to help them, because I believe that is what he wants. He wants me to pray for others and he wants to help his children. Yet I feel very uncomfortable having people pray for me. Especially if any of my pastors say they are praying for me, my gut instinct is to ask them not to. I actually have even asked one of them not to when he says he is. Of course he is stubborn and says he is going to do it anyway. I just really feel uncomfortable about it, it goes into the not worthy. I see these people who have this confidence and so wish I had it. People think I have it, and when I tell them I don't and how I second guess everything I do they are amazed. I am good at hiding it, there are only a few people who have seen that deeply into my head. And it is such a struggle for me because every time I do gain any confidence if/when something happens to take it away I feel like I go further back. You know the whole one step forward, two steps back? Mine is more like one step forward and three steps back. Self doubt tied in with years of being told you weren't wanted and aren't good enough, leads to one screwed up woman.
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