Day 34, "Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted." - Isaiah 53:4

It was right before Jesus died, he cried out about God abandoning him. At that moment he felt completely and utterly alone. I understand that feeling. I realize you will say that God is always with me. But I'm going to be honest and say I hate it when people say that. It makes me feel defective. I don't know what it means to feel God with me. I'm not saying he isn't, I'm just saying I personally just don't feel like I feel it. Now there is every chance I do know how it feels, but because of how I was raised I have never had to feel that isolation. Does that make any sense?

But I do know how it feels to be all alone. Since the day my husband died, no matter what I do. No matter how I try to fill the hours of the day. I feel utterly alone every single day. Will that change? I hope so, but at this point I feel like it never will. There is just such an emptiness inside of me. A spot in my life that my husband had filled. I would never wish this in my worst enemy!