Day four. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16

So it's pretty obvious what we are talking about here. God sending his one and only Son that would some day die for us. So that we could go to Heaven. To know you are sacrificing your own child. The pain and humiliation he would go through in his life time. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be that parent and I couldn't be that child. But they say when you are a parent you will do anything for your children, because you want them to have the best. To have a better life then you had. And we are all God's children, from the moment we are conceived and again when we are baptized, we are his children. So really he sacrificed one for the whole. Jesus died for all of us. He was willing to take the bullet so to speak. And that I understand. I would have given my husband a kidney if I could. I would do anything for the people I love. So I do understand that kind of love. And it is because I am God's child I can understand it. It is an amazing thing to feel. And I think it is also why I struggle with my emotions so much. I sometimes feel to much, to deeply, to intently. I can't separate my pain from others so it all becomes mine. Which is a hard burden to bear. And this is where I need to turn to God, to give it all up to him. Let him take it from me, let him heal my heart. I just have a lot of trust issues and that would be to much trust to give for me. I am working on it, but it will be a long road.