Day Three.... "When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus." - Matthew 1:24-25

So here we are on day three, we should all be impressed that I even managed to do this for three days in a row. Of course the real test is doing all 40 days like I am planning, or better yet continuing to do this on a regular basis after the 40 days are up.

"When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus." - Matthew 1:24-25

Lucado talks about the impossible situation Joseph is put in. Here he is engaged to a young woman who suddenly is pregnant and not by him! Which would have been bad enough since they weren't married, but here she is saying she never slept with anyone. What was he supposed to think. Back then this type of situation would and should have resulted in her being stoned to death. And really how barbaric is that? And had she slept with a man outside of wedlock he would not be stoned to death. What the heck?! I know back then women were not viewed the way we are today, but seriously that is messed up IMO. It does take two to tango after all. But anyway, here is Joseph not really knowing what to do. Does he turn her in or does he stand by her, the woman he loves. And then an Angel comes to him and tells him not to worry, that this is all God's plan. That Mary will give birth to the Savior. So Joesph put aside the life he had planned. He stayed with Mary and was with her when Jesus was born and he was the one who named him Jesus. That had to be hard doing what God wanted instead of what he wanted. Putting aside his dreams aside for what God wanted him to do. The fear, the unknown, it had to be so hard. I would be second guessing everything!

Yesterday I said I wanted to post a section of a Psalm that really hit home for me, so here it is.

I am using The Message version because I really like the way he interperets it.
  

"Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice." Psalm 51:16-17

My heart has been shattered for a very long time, even before my husband died. I feel like I have dealt with so much. David and I also dealt with infertility our entire marriage and were never able to have children. The hollowness that I feel because I was never blessed with a child and now being a widow. It is so overwhelming. But I have to keep reminding myself that God see's my pain and he doesn't want me to have it. He doesn't want me to despair. He is doing everything he can to help me. My problem is I have tunnel vision, I see my pain and nothing but my pain. There are times where I am so consumed by it that it all but eats me alive. I am working to get out of that frame of mind. It's part of why I am doing this blog. That maybe if I get things out in writing it will help take the pain out of me.